Apparently, young McCulloch pulls a mean ergo, but we don't like to disappoint him.

1. I'm small and weedy and can't pull very hard
2. I'm lardy and unfit and can't pull very hard
3. I'm so fat, my gut prevents me getting very far up the slide
4. I'm old and frail and can't pull very hard
5. I'm so old I'm afraid to pull hard in case I have a coronary
6. I had a cold last week
7. I think I'm coming down with something
8. These drugs they gave me at the STD clinic make me feel ill
9. I've got blisters from rowing at the weekend
10. My knees are a bit dodgy
11. My elbow's sore
12. My shoulder's sore
13. My wrist's sore
14. My name's Simon Huntley
15. I had a dodgy curry last night
16. JY on the next ergo had a curry last night
17. Something I ate last night disagreed with me (nothing to do with the 10 pints of Guinness, oh no)
18. I haven't had anything to eat all day
19. I just had my tea
20. I've had a hard day at work
21. I've had a hard week at work
22. I've got jet lag having just got back from New York on Concorde (expired excuse)
23. My kids kept me awake all last night
24. My sex mad wife kept me awake all last night
25. My sex mad girlfriend kept me awake all last night
26. My wife found out about last night and its difficult to ergo with sore bollocks
27. My sex mad boyfriend kept me awake all last night and its difficult to ergo with a sore arse
28. My penis is so long it gets caught in the slide. Only to be used as the last resort (completely unbelievable).
29. There's something wrong with this ergo
30. It's too cold
31. It's too hot
32. The person next to me's rhythm is putting me off
33. The person next to me smells
34. The girl ergoing next to me is so drop dead gorgeous. (Can YOU ergo with a stonker?)
35. I can't ergo unless I can admire my reflection in the window
36. John Gill told such a funny joke, I fell off the ergo laughing
37. Ergos are boring
38. Ergos don't float
39. I only ever use a Rowperfect
40. My ergo wasn't pointing towards Mecca
41. I got this fantastic score at the gym last week, but I just can't seem to repeat it at the Club (in front of witnesses).
42. My Grandmother died yesterday
43. My cat died last month. (The trouble was it died in my kitbag, I didn't find it until 10 minutes ago and it's difficult to ergo holding your breath).
44. Didn't you see that UFO fly passed?
45. I was abducted by aliens last night and they sucked all my energy out through my left nostril
46. JY didn't turn up so we had to do weights.
47. I had a main committee meeting
48. My lunch was off and I am feeling a bit queasy (this is the business lunch lasting 3 hours of course)
49. The wine was off
50. The chain came off the gear wheel
51. The meter packed up just before I finished – therefore don’t what the final time was but it was quick!
52. The Captain asked to vacate the machine as they are allocated to the senior squad, apparently we have the midnight to 2.00am slot.
53. I am saving myself for ………. (this could be anything from a regatta to crumpet etc.)
54. The lady next to me was going quicker so I got disheartened
55. McCulloch came in and started to pull such ridiculous splits it put me off
56. My daughter tells ergos are not cool
57. Apparently I am not cool despite my new club all in one
58. Even less so with my great girth perched on it
59. Had to leave just I was about record sub 17.30 as my pager went off – we are working a big acquisition
60. I was up with a vomiting child until 06:20.
61. Age: 46, soon to be 47
62. Wt: 11St 9lb
63. Ergo: Rough dry chain, and made a bang noise causing me to lose at least 10 secs
64. Distractions: Girls were on other ergos
65. Day of the week: Thurs, never a good day for me
66. Fitness: Nah!
67. Wasn't really trying anyway!
68. I'm just getting over the hypothermia from waiting at the start at Wallingford Head.
70. The club bar opened early
71. MS-J wandered in eating fish & chips
72. The women's squad were doing 2k tests and the grunting put me off.
73. I have to stop and turn around every 850m.
74. I rowed the ergo into the hall curtains after 3000m.
75. I was just thinking about Jordan . . .
76. I'd just given a dog mouth to mouth resuscitation
77. I'd been up all night with a dog with diarrhoea
78. I'd just run 50miles down the Thames tow path
79. I only do winter training in the winter
80. I go faster at half pressure
81. The ergo collapsed under the weight when Neil Mc climbed on board
82. My right forearm is in plaster while the torn ligaments and broken thumb bone heal.
83. I've just completed the Marathon des Sables and need to a) put some weight back on b) rebuild my feet.
84. The steering shoe jammed, forcing me into the bar.
85. The pilates class had just used the gym and left the heating at 30 degrees C.
86. I think I've stagnated having done a 30 minute ergo every lunch time for the last 2 months
100. My wife has just given birth